The Unconscious Mind, Dreams of My Past

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Dreams;
Bizarre. Wild. Crazy. Real. Extreme. Emotional. Physical. Exhausting.

As stated above, dreams can be described as many things, and are often hard to control – at least in my opinion. Often we fall asleep after a busy day only to be awaken by something so surreal, something you can’t just explain in words. Your body can be awakened; shaking, sweating, or just simply – just awoken in confusion. It is crazy what your mind has control over in your unconscious state; truly incredible.

My unconscious mind has been so stuck on my past, it is hard for my conscious mind to move forward with what is happening today. After sleeping, this requires my conscious mind to reset every day to move forward with my future – when really the only thing I need to focus on right now, is today.

Recently I have been having lots of dreams about my recent… not to bring it up again – recent breakup (click to watch a video). Consciously I am working to deal with it each and every day, and slowly making progress, I believe. I am still very concerned for where he is at in his state of mind, his happiness, and his life. However, I’m realizing more each day that this is all on him – and that he needs to figure it out and I can’t let his burdens be mine anymore. He walked away from me, and that means he doesn’t get the benefits of my love. While I’ll always have the feelings and emotions of amazing things towards him (if I don’t, I don’t feel what we had was real). I have to worry about my mental and physical health too. Something I’ve been struggling with as of late.

Before I can continue with my present dreams, I have to look to my past dreams. You can call me crazy, but my entire life I have always felt this connection with people where when I am talking to them, see them, hear them, or am with them I can understand much more than they may lead on. Further explanation? Okay.

What I am saying is that I feel like I know them, and know things about them even though they have never told me. On top of that, I very rarely have describable, or realistic dreams that are so vivid they feel like I’m experiencing them in real time.

One dream in particular of my past, has me in what I believe to be my parents bathroom near their vanity. The crazy part about even this simple description of the dream, is that the dream took place prior to their remodel, yet the remodel is still present in the dream. MIND BLOW. Did I really see my future years ago?

Now that we have that part discussed…
In this dream, I don’t remember much dialogue I just remember two other people being present. A man and a toddler/baby – both with blurred faces. The emotions I felt during the dream indicated that this was my husband or partner and our child or even a family child. Even though the dream was blurred to a degree, the emotions and feelings were beyond intense. Sadly I can’t remember the dialogue but if I had to guess, it was about who got to change the nasty dirty diaper. YUCK, not me. I’m not ready for that right now – but perhaps I will be in due-time.

Never-the-less, I’ve since been able to understand this dream further. Which makes my current state of mind even harder. I saw my future in that dream I believe. Then I had that future, or progression toward that future. And now, it is gone.

Fast-forward to today, I’m having vidid dreams about what I see as my future, and it includes pieces my past, and pieces of that dream yet again. So while I’m trying to move forward with my life, focusing on me, I am constantly reminded of someone who has perhaps forgotten about me, moved on from what we were.

Why? I don’t know.
If I did, I’d probably work on stopping these dreams if possible.

Perhaps these are visions of what I want, rather than what will be. I guess the thing I’m struggling with is that dreams, I believe, mean something – so what does it mean to constantly have these dreams about your future, with touches of your past?

Where do I go from here? I don’t know.
All I can say is that I’m going to work to align my sub-conscious and conscious mind to realize that I have to deal with the reality of today. If that requires help from others – I’m willing to accept the help. I’m going to focus on my other conscious dreams, aspirations and goals and align myself with where I want to be moving forward.

While I have the end in mind, I have to do things today to get there. And today, I have to worry about myself, and not focus on the burdens of others.

I’m Connor Harrison, and for once I’m willing to accept help in understanding my dreams both past, present, and in my future.