Who I Was. Who I am. Who I Will Be.

0
892

I am who I am because of who I was, and where I want to be.

WHO I WAS

I was a shy kid.
I had few actual friends.
I was different.
I had a crazy imagination.
I was alone a lot.
I was a brother, a son, grandson, and a nephew.
I wanted to be a teacher, mailman or garbage truck driver.
I was outcast by friends and neighbors because I wasn’t LDS (Mormon)
I was me.

I was a fairly shy kid growing up; I often would stick to myself, hang out with my parents, or get lost in building cities, homes, and sets with legos to act out scenes that I had made up in my head. I feel like my imagination was always going when I was alone; always trying to think of something fun to do or be.

In school I was never the popular kid – often made fun of, or just never really thought of. Friends would get together in middle school over the weekend, go to concerts and I never really seemed to get invited. Sure I was friends with them at school, but it never translated over to life outside of school until a little later in 9th grade; even then, it wasn’t every anything like my “friends.”

Growing up in Utah was always a struggle. My neighbors at one-point couldn’t come to my house because my family wasn’t LDS (Latter-Day Saint). While it was never explicitly said by their parents, it was said by my friends that was why. Knowing that really hurt me, and I often thought why can’t I just be LDS. I did always laugh a little, because I actually felt my family was more a family then the LDS families around me. While the LDS culture centers around families, it only seemed to be once or twice a week that they were all together. Then there was my house, where every night we had dinner together as a family, learned manners about how to eat, and had to be excused from the dinner table. We would also usually help clean up, and then go about our nights doing homework, etc.

WHO I AM

I am fairly outgoing.
I am a hard worker.
I am fairly open-minded.
I am an uncle, a brother, a friend, a colleague, a son, grandson, and a nephew.
I am interested in sharing my story.
I have my education.
I have my career.
I am someone who still is learning and growing to have a work-life balance.
I am trying to give more personal time to those who matter most to me.
I am emotional.
I am me.

As I got older, life did get easier. Friends seemed to be more forgiving of my religious background, and I started to have a lot to do and a lot going on. Then college came, I moved away – and life was seriously the most amazing it could have ever been. I was a part of an organization on campus that was seriously amazing – and honestly was like a fraternity but with some of the most amazing people without the hazing. This group of people, Weber State Admissions Ambassadors, quickly became my family away from home and never once judged me for who I was and I finally felt like I belonged and had a purpose. Without them, I don’t think I would be who I am today.

Today, I’m confident – sometimes too confident.
I’m still shy in groups of people I don’t know, and while I don’t mind being the center of attention, it really scares me. I try to be humble, but my confidence gets in the way. I try to be humble, but all the hard work I’ve put in I’m too proud of.

Sometimes I talk too much about what I am doing, or want to do that I forget to listen to others and step back to take care of them. I’ve been hurt too many times when it comes to friendships and relationships that I’m often cold and can’t show or say all the emotions I am feeling. I feel lost of how to connect on a deeper level with someone that I really care for – which I think has led to my most recent blunders of a relationship.

WHO I WILL BE

I will be successful in both career and home.
I will be a supporting and loving partner.
I will be an amazing father; teaching my kids how to be contributing members to society.
I will be fearless in my attempt to reach my aspirations.
I will be more caring.
I will be more conscious of my time for significant others.
I will be more emotionally available.
I will be more willing to discuss how I feel, and be open about those feelings.
I will be me.

Without openly seeking the end, I want to focus with the end goal in mind. I know more who I am today than I did in June. I know more what I want today, than I did in March. And I hope you’re discovering who you are too.

I am Connor Harrison, and this is My Life Possible.